Why Me? Breaking Free from the Assumptions That Hold You Back | Episode #1

Unraveling the Stories We Tell Ourselves to Find Growth and Freedom

Sometimes when you're in a dark place you think you've been buried, but you've been planted ¹

It Began Quietly, Almost Unnoticed

In college, Ahmed couldn’t pinpoint a single moment when it all shifted, but slowly, anxiety, anger, and negativity began to take hold of his life. Nights became sleepless, his mind racing with worries and his heart pounding with an unease he couldn’t explain. Mornings were no better—getting out of bed felt like an uphill battle. After failing his first exam, his confidence crumbled, and the once-manageable task of studying for the next test felt insurmountable. Days blurred together, each one filled with an overwhelming sense of dread and frustration.

Ahmed had always dreamed of becoming a pharmacist. It was a vision he had held onto tightly, but as his struggles in school deepened, that dream began to fade. Marriage had also been a part of his plan, but even exploring marriage apps left him feeling more anxious and defeated. Slowly, his goals and ambitions slipped through his fingers, leaving behind a growing void for sure.

His friendships, once a source of joy and comfort, began to fray. Every conversation seemed to spiral into complaints about his life, and his friends started pulling away. Ahmed noticed how they stopped reaching out, and their absence fed into his anger and resentment. Small irritations began to trigger outsized reactions, leaving him feeling isolated and misunderstood.

As his struggles intensified, his relationship with Allah wavered. Prayers became infrequent as he wrestled with a deep sense of frustration and confusion. He found himself questioning: “Why is this happening to me? I’ve done everything right. I’ve worked hard, prayed, and tried my best—so why am I still suffering? What did I do to deserve this?”

The darkness felt overwhelming, and Ahmed couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been buried under the weight of his struggles—or if, perhaps, something deeper was happening.

What’s Happening to Me?

Life has a way of veering off the script we so carefully wrote for ourselves. One moment, we’re cradling dreams we nurtured for years, and the next, those dreams crumble into ashes. Suddenly, we’re standing in the midst of a reality we never saw coming, forced to reassess everything we thought we knew. It’s terrifying to confront the realization that life looks nothing like the picture we painted.

When life shifts unexpectedly, it often brings loss. Sometimes it’s tangible—a loved one, a job, a marriage, or even your health. Other times, it’s the intangible dreams you had about what life could or should be. We don’t anticipate the miscarriage after weeks of hopeful anticipation, the job that doesn’t fulfill us the way we imagined, or the marriage that comes to an end despite our best efforts. When these moments arrive, they demand not just acceptance but the strength to cope with the pieces left behind.

It’s natural to feel pain, disappointment, or even anger when your life takes a turn you never wanted. After all, you probably spent countless hours envisioning a life that now feels out of reach. Questions begin to swirl in your mind: Why does this keep happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? Is Allah angry with me?

When these thoughts start to take root, they can lead to a heavy, uneasy feeling toward Allah (SWT). It’s uncomfortable to admit, but you’re not alone if you’ve wrestled with these emotions. While it’s not “okay” or “permissible” to harbor anger or resentment toward Allah, it’s vital to understand that grappling with these feelings is more common than we might think.

Abu Hurayrah narrated that a companion once approached the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and confessed, “We have thoughts we can’t even bring ourselves to speak about, and we hate that we have them.” The Prophet ﷺ responded, “Do you really experience this?” The companion replied, “Yes.” The Prophet ﷺ reassured him, saying, “Those are clear signs of faith.” ²

Even the most righteous individuals struggled with fearful, confusing thoughts about their faith and their relationship with Allah (SWT). The Prophet ﷺ also reminded us, “Verily, Allah has pardoned my nation for what occurs within themselves, as long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” ³

These fleeting, uncomfortable thoughts do not define your faith in Allah (SWT). In fact, the very discomfort they bring is a sign of how much you care about your connection to Him. The struggle itself is proof of your faith. It’s not about never having difficult thoughts—it’s about recognizing them, navigating them, and holding onto the belief that Allah’s mercy is greater than any storm we face.

Decoding the Stories Your Mind Tells You

Our minds have a peculiar way of convincing us that we hold supernatural powers—like a crystal ball to predict the future, a magic mirror to reflect absolute truths, or even telepathic abilities to read others’ thoughts. Deep down, we know these powers aren’t real. Yet, our minds can be incredibly persuasive, tricking us into believing our thoughts are accurate, even when they’re based on nothing more than assumptions or fears.

It’s a strange paradox, isn’t it? The mind, our greatest tool, can also be the source of our greatest deceptions. Learning to challenge these deceptive thoughts is essential for understanding ourselves and finding clarity amidst the noise.

When Your Mind Plays Tricks on You

Our minds often play tricks on us, convincing us of things that aren't true. This tendency to make assumptions without evidence is known as jumping to conclusions. It’s a cognitive distortion—a pattern of negative thinking—where we create interpretations of events that aren’t grounded in facts. These assumptions often take two forms: mind-reading and fortune-telling.

Mind-reading happens when we convince ourselves that others are judging us negatively or harbor bad intentions, even though we have no real evidence to support this. For example, you might think, "They didn’t respond to my text because they’re upset with me," when in reality, they could just be busy.

Fortune-telling, on the other hand, involves predicting a negative future outcome before it even unfolds. It’s the voice in your head saying, "This will never work out," or "I’ll definitely fail," despite having no way to know what the future holds.

As humans, we naturally search for meaning, especially during difficult times. When someone we care about hurts us or when we face a tragedy, our brains instinctively try to make sense of the pain. But instead of arriving at rational conclusions, we often interpret events in a way that aligns with a fear-based or pessimistic view of the world—one shaped by trauma or past experiences.

The problem is that these assumptions are rarely accurate. They’re driven not by truth, but by pain, fear, and anger. Over time, they can compound, turning a single difficulty into something that feels overwhelming.

Think about these examples:

• You lose your job and immediately think, "I must be incompetent. That’s why I got fired. I’ll never find work again."

• An engagement falls through, and you tell yourself, "She must have found someone better. I’m not worthy of being a husband or of love."

• After a miscarriage, you think, "Allah must believe I’d be a terrible parent, so He’ll never bless me with a child."

These thoughts are heavy, and they hold us back. They stem from assumptions our minds make to cope with uncertainty, but instead of helping us heal, they deepen our wounds.

The way we think has immense power. It can guide us toward growth or keep us stuck in a cycle of despair. Recognizing when we’re jumping to conclusions—and gently challenging those thoughts—can help us move forward, even in the face of life’s hardest moments.

How Anger Shapes Us During Life’s Toughest Moments

While our Islamic tradition teaches us that trials are ultimately a spiritual blessing, they rarely feel like blessings in the moment. Instead, they often come with a whirlwind of difficult emotions—pain, disappointment, sadness, and anxiety. Each of these emotions serves a purpose, signaling that something significant is happening in our lives.

Among these emotions, anger often surfaces during times of hardship. It’s a deeply human response, and as the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ described, “Verily, anger is a burning ember in the heart of the son of Adam.” ⁴ While anger is natural, it can also become overwhelming and, at times, even frightening when it feels uncontrollable.

To navigate anger effectively, it’s important to first understand how this emotion moves through your brain and body. With this understanding, you can begin to regain control and manage anger in a way that aligns with your well-being and faith.

The Mind in Turmoil

Stress Response: The Brain’s Alarm System

When something triggers you—whether it’s a frustrating situation or a hurtful comment—anger doesn’t wait for your permission to take over. Before you’re even fully aware of what’s happening, your amygdala, the emotional processing center of your brain, springs into action. The amygdala is responsible for handling emotions like fear, anxiety, and aggression. Once activated, it flips the switch on your body’s stress response system, gearing you up to face what it perceives as a threat.

Your adrenal glands release a surge of stress hormones like cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenaline, which flood your body almost instantly. Your heart rate picks up, your muscles tense, and your mind locks onto the perceived danger. This response, though useful in truly life-threatening situations, can spiral out of control when triggered by everyday frustrations.

The Price of Anger: Judgment Clouds, Pain Grows

When anger takes over, it doesn’t just affect your body—it impacts your ability to think clearly. The prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain responsible for judgment and decision-making) and the hippocampus (which helps form new memories) start losing neurons ⁵. That’s why, in the heat of an argument, you might struggle to articulate your thoughts or make rational decisions.

At the same time, elevated cortisol levels suppress serotonin, the hormone that helps you feel calm and happy. With less serotonin in your system, anger feels more intense, and both physical and emotional pain become magnified. This can leave you feeling overwhelmed and more reactive than the situation may warrant. ⁶

The Mind’s Worst-Case Scenarios: Jumping to Conclusions

When anger and stress cloud your judgment, your brain often fills in the blanks with worst-case scenarios. Researchers have found that when faced with uncertainty, we’re more likely to assume the worst and connect unrelated events in our minds. ⁷

For instance, if your spouse is running late and not answering their phone, your mind might leap to catastrophic conclusions: “What if they’ve been in a car accident?” Rationally, you know their phone might just be out of charge, but in the moment, it’s hard to hold onto that logic.

This tendency to jump to negative conclusions can spiral when combined with deeper emotional pain, like the aftermath of a miscarriage:

Thoughts Started:

“I’ve wanted a child for so long, and now that chance is gone.”
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“What did I do to deserve this? Maybe Allah doesn’t think I’m worthy of being a mother.” (Mind-reading)
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“If I’m not worthy of being a mother, I’ll never have a child, and my husband will hate me.” (Fortune-telling and mind-reading combined)
⬇️
“My husband will leave me, and I’ll be alone forever.” (Fortune-telling at its worst)

This flow visually highlights how one thought spirals into the next, escalating in negativity.

When Fear and False Assumptions Cloud Our Minds

Jumping to conclusions thrives on fear, false evidence, and distrust. Many people believe that “expecting the worst” will somehow shield them from disappointment, but in reality, it does the opposite. Focusing on the worst-case scenario only fuels anxiety, deepens depression, and robs us of peace.

When we assume others will mistreat us, fear can prevent us from building meaningful relationships. When we expect failure, that fear often keeps us from giving our best effort. This pattern of negative thinking not only affects our mental well-being but also distances us from the faith and trust that Allah asks of us.

Allah says in the Quran:
“Indeed, those who have believed [in Prophet Muhammad] and those [before him] who were Jews or Sabeans or Christians—those [among them] who believed in Allah and the Last Day and did righteousness—no fear will there be for them, nor will they grieve.” ⁸

Once you recognize how anger and stress distort your thoughts, you can start to regain control. These automatic, negative thought patterns don’t define you—they’re simply your brain’s way of trying to protect you from uncertainty and pain. In the next step, we’ll explore practical ways to challenge and reframe these thoughts, helping you break free from the cycle and move toward healing.

Transforming the Way You Think

It’s natural to jump to conclusions when life throws challenges our way. As humans, we instinctively try to make sense of events, interpreting what’s happening and predicting outcomes based on what seems logical at the time. However, while we can’t always control the emotions that arise or the initial thoughts that enter our minds in these moments, we can control the narratives we choose to dwell on.

Every thought and action we engage with is a choice—a choice to either draw closer to Allah (SWT) or distance ourselves from Him. Consider this through the example of Prophet Mūsá (AS). When trapped between Pharaoh’s army and the Red Sea, his companions were overwhelmed by despair:

“When the two groups came face to face, the companions of Moses cried out, ‘We are overtaken for sure.’”

But Mūsá (AS) responded with unwavering trust:

“Absolutely not! My Lord is certainly with me—He will guide me.”

In that moment, Mūsá chose to trust in Allah (SWT) and expect goodness. What followed was one of the greatest miracles in history:

“So We inspired Moses, ‘Strike the sea with your staff,’ and the sea was split, each part like a huge mountain.” ⁹

This story shows us two different approaches to the same situation: despair versus faith. The companions of Mūsá expected the worst and were consumed by fear, while Mūsá expected the best from Allah and was met with a miracle that continues to inspire us today.

The Power of Perspective

What we choose to believe shapes our experience. If we search for good, we will find it—and that search can transform both our thoughts and emotions. On the other hand, expecting the worst only deepens feelings of anxiety, frustration, and disconnection from Allah (SWT).

Life doesn’t always unfold the way we imagine it will. The standards we set for ourselves—what we believe we need to achieve happiness—can be unrealistic. More importantly, the expectations we place on Allah, assuming that He should decree what we believe is best for us, create a limited and often flawed perception of our lives and of Allah’s wisdom.

When this perception falters, it becomes easy to fall into misconceptions about our struggles, our purpose, and why things happen as they do. But reframing these thoughts isn’t just a matter of emotional well-being—it’s vital for our spiritual health as well.

Addressing Misconceptions

By challenging the assumptions that trap us in fear and frustration, we can begin to shift our focus. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” we can ask, “What is Allah teaching me through this?” Instead of assuming the worst, we can remind ourselves of Allah’s promise that with hardship comes ease.

Choosing trust over despair, faith over fear, and gratitude over frustration is a practice that strengthens not only our connection with Allah but also our ability to navigate life’s most difficult moments with resilience and peace.

Coming Up in Episode #2

I’ll be diving into the 4 Big Misconceptions we often fall into when jumping to conclusions. These are the mental traps that skew our perspective, cloud our judgment, and distance us from clarity and faith. But here’s the good part: we’re not stopping at identifying the problem.

For each misconception, I’ll share action plans rooted in the Quran and Hadith—practical steps that don’t just sound good but actually work. These aren’t just theoretical ideas; they’re strategies I’ve observed and experienced firsthand, and when put into practice, they truly feel like magic in how they transform your mindset and your connection with Allah (SWT).

Stay with me—it’s going to be a journey of reflection, empowerment, and actionable faith.

Sources of Wisdom

1. A Quote attributed to Christine Caine is an Australian-born activist, author, and speaker

2. Sunan Abī Dāwūd, no. 5111

3. Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, no. 6287; Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, no. 127

4. Jāmiʿ al-Tirmidhī, no. 2191

5. Wayne C. Drevets, Joseph L. Price, Joseph R. Simpson, Richard D. Todd, Theodore Reich, Michael Vannier, and Marcus E. Raichle, “Subgenual Prefrontal Cortex Abnormalities in Mood Disorders,” Nature 386 (1997): 824–27

6. “How Anger Affects the Brain and Body,” The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine, accessed July 10, 2020,https://www.nicabm.com/how-anger-affects-the-brain-and-body-infographic/

7. Sang Wan Lee, John P. O’Doherty, and Shinsuke Shimojo, “Neural Computations Mediating One-Shot Learning in the Human Brain,” PLoS Biology 13, no. 4 (2015), art. no. e1002137, ISSN 1544-9173

8. Qur’an 5:69

9. Qur’an 26:61–63