Why Me? Breaking Free from the Assumptions That Hold You Back | Episode #2
Shattering the Beliefs That Keep You Stuck
What’s Happening to Me? A Recap
Life doesn’t always follow the script we imagine. One moment, everything feels stable, and the next, the ground beneath us shifts unexpectedly, leaving us questioning where we stand. In episode #1, we explored what happens when life throws us these curveballs—moments of loss, pain, or unmet expectations—and how our minds and hearts respond to them.
When life doesn’t unfold as planned, it’s natural to feel a storm of emotions: anger, disappointment, sadness, or even resentment. These emotions don’t make us weak or faithless; they’re human, and they signal that something significant is happening within us. But as we discussed, it’s what we do with these emotions that defines how we move forward.
We dove deep into how the mind can become both a refuge and a trap. Cognitive distortions—like jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst—can pull us into a cycle of negativity. We convince ourselves of things that aren’t true: that we’re unworthy, that our struggles are a punishment, or that our future is doomed. These thoughts, driven by fear and past pain, distort reality and keep us stuck.
Through examples, we unpacked how these thought patterns spiral. Losing a job becomes a narrative about incompetence. A miscarriage morphs into doubts about Allah’s mercy. These assumptions, though powerful, aren’t grounded in truth—they’re reflections of our inner fears.
But we didn’t stop there. Together, we examined how anger and stress affect not just our emotional state but also our ability to think clearly. The amygdala, our brain’s emotional center, hijacks our response to challenges, amplifying feelings of frustration and clouding our judgment. This often leads to catastrophic thinking—imagining the worst-case scenario when reality might be far kinder.
We also drew strength from the story of Prophet Mūsá (AS). Trapped between the Red Sea and Pharaoh’s army, he chose faith over fear, trust over despair. His unwavering belief in Allah’s wisdom brought forth one of the most miraculous moments in history—a reminder that even in our darkest times, expecting good from Allah can lead to unimaginable outcomes.
Takeaways
Your Thoughts Are Not Facts: Those intrusive, fear-driven thoughts don’t define you. They’re just your mind’s way of trying to make sense of uncertainty. Recognize them, but don’t let them dictate your reality.
Faith in Action: Trusting Allah’s plan doesn’t erase pain, but it transforms how we experience it. With hardship comes ease—a promise we can anchor ourselves in during difficult times.
The Power of Reframing: Instead of asking, “Why me?” try asking, “What is Allah teaching me through this?” Shifting the narrative helps align our hearts with gratitude and growth.
Coming Up in This Episode
In this episode, we’ll delve into the four common misconceptions that keep us trapped in negative thought patterns. More importantly, we’ll discuss practical, faith-based strategies to challenge these thoughts and realign with a perspective rooted in clarity, trust, and resilience.
Misconception#1
Why Does Life Feel So Hard? This Isn’t How It Was Meant to Be
Life has a way of reminding us just how fragile and unpredictable it truly is. Change and uncertainty are woven into the fabric of our existence, yet we often convince ourselves otherwise. We live as though we’re immune to life’s twists and turns, carrying on with a sense of control that feels so real, it’s almost comforting. But the truth is, even a week ago, none of us could guarantee we’d still be here today. Our routines and daily lives lull us into a false sense of certainty, shielding us from the ever-present reality of unpredictability.
Allah (SWT) addresses this in the Quran:
“Do the people think that they will be left to say, ‘We believe,’ and they will not be tried? We certainly tested those before them. And [in this way] Allah will clearly distinguish between those who are truthful and those who are liars.”1
Tests and trials are inevitable. They serve as reminders that life was never meant to be free of struggle. The sooner we come to terms with this reality, the better equipped we become to navigate the difficult moments. Each challenge we face gives us the chance to build resilience—learning to sit with discomfort, to accept what lies beyond our control, and to actively work toward what we can change.
Uncertainty may be an inescapable part of life, but it’s also a tool that teaches us strength, patience, and trust in Allah’s plan. And within that trust lies the clarity we need to keep moving forward.
Action Plan:
Redirect your energy toward what you can change rather than resisting what you cannot. Embracing reality doesn’t mean giving up—it means giving yourself the chance to move forward. While you may have envisioned a different version of your life, the truth is that you are exactly where you’re meant to be right now. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening?” shift your focus to, “This is happening. So now what?”
It’s not the challenges themselves but how we respond to them that defines our lives. You may not feel ready, but you are equipped to handle whatever comes your way—because you were meant to. Allah (SWT) reassures us in the Quran:
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear…” 2
This doesn’t mean the path will be easy, but it does mean you have the strength and tools to navigate it. If Allah has chosen you to face these trials, He has also guaranteed that you possess the ability to succeed through them. Trust in His wisdom and your capacity to persevere.
Misconception #2
I must be at fault for experiencing this pain
As human beings, we often judge our circumstances through the lens of what we can immediately see, labeling them as good or bad based on their outward appearance. In times of hardship, it’s easy for thoughts like, “I must be a bad person to be enduring so much pain,” to creep in. When life doesn’t unfold as we hoped, we’re tempted to believe that if only we had done things differently, the outcome would have been better. This yearning for the world to make sense—a clear cause for every effect—is natural, but it often leads to harsh self-criticism, intensifying the pain we’re already carrying.
The remedy for this self-inflicted judgment lies in self-compassion, a gift that Allah (SWT) has provided us. We often operate under the assumption that ease and blessings are signs of Allah’s favor, while hardship signals His displeasure. Yet Allah reminds us that this way of thinking is flawed. Both ease and hardship are tests—and both are blessings in disguise.
Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:
“And as for man, when his Lord tries him and [thus] is generous to him and favors him, he says, ‘My Lord has honored me.’ But when He tries him and restricts his provision, he says, ‘My Lord has humiliated me.”3
In the very next verse, Allah refutes this mindset with the word kallā—“But no!” This is a divine correction, reminding us that blessings and difficulties are not measures of Allah’s love or displeasure. Allah gives to those He loves and withholds from those He loves. Hardship is not a punishment but a chance to grow, to purify, and to strengthen our connection with Him.
Think about the moments in your life when pain yielded something valuable. The discomfort of exercise led to better health. The exhaustion of studying for an exam brought success. The struggle to improve communication in your marriage fostered a stronger, healthier bond. Hardships have a way of shaping us, allowing growth that often goes unseen in this world but is preserved for the hereafter.
Ask yourself this: If Allah truly intended harm for you, why would He promise such immense rewards for enduring hardship?
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
“Allah, the Exalted, says: ‘I have no reward except Jannah for a believing slave of Mine who shows patience and anticipates My reward when I take away his favorite one from the inhabitants of the world.”4
He also said:
“No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.” 5
And consider this:
“The supplications of three persons are never turned away: a fasting person until he breaks his fast, a just ruler, and the supplication of the oppressed, which is raised by Allah above the clouds. The gates of heaven are opened for it, and the Lord says: ‘By My might, I will help you in due time.”6
These aren’t the words of punishment—they’re promises of mercy, forgiveness, and ultimate reward. Hardships, no matter how painful, are not signs of rejection but of Allah’s care for you. They are opportunities to grow, to purify your soul, and to draw closer to Him. And with that perspective, even the heaviest burdens become lighter.
Action Plan:
Believing that you deserve pain or a life filled with negativity is often a reflection of deep self-criticism. The remedy lies in self-compassion. Start by acknowledging the weight of the pain you’re carrying. Allow yourself to sit with it for a moment—don’t push it away or try to diminish it. Simply honor the fact that you’re going through something incredibly difficult.
Now, imagine a close friend confiding in you about this very situation. How would you respond to them? What words of kindness, support, and understanding would you offer? Write those words down—gentle, compassionate ones—and then read them aloud to yourself.
How does it feel to hear those words directed at you? To be the recipient of the same kindness and understanding you’d so willingly give to someone else? In this moment, allow yourself to feel the comfort of compassion. It’s not a weakness; it’s a powerful step toward healing.
Misconception # 3
If Allah Is All-Powerful, Why Am I Facing This Hardship?
Instead of expecting Allah (SWT) to grant us everything exactly as we want it, shifting our perspective to recognize that He provides everything we need can profoundly impact our mental and spiritual well-being.
When we start questioning why certain tests have been placed in our lives or assume they shouldn’t have happened, we unintentionally act as though we can comprehend Allah’s wisdom. But consider His Name, Al-Ḥakīm—the All-Wise, the One who acts with perfect knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. He does everything in the right way, at the right time, and in the right place.
As Abū Bakr (RA) so beautifully said:
“O Allah! You know me more than I know myself.”7
Reflect on this: we struggle to bake a cake perfectly every time, even with a clear recipe. How, then, can we expect to fully grasp the complexities of the universe or the intricate details of our own lives?
The difference between human knowledge and Allah’s knowledge is vast. Our knowledge is limited, pieced together through experience and observation. Allah’s knowledge, however, is infinite, flawless, and not bound by time or trial. Allah (SWT) reminds us in the Quran:
“And with Him are the keys of the unseen; none knows them except Him. And He knows what is on the land and in the sea. Not a leaf falls but that He knows it. And no grain is there within the darknesses of the earth and no moist or dry [thing] but that it is [written] in a clear record.” 8
While we fixate on one thread we believe is essential to our happiness, Allah sees the entire, intricate tapestry of our lives—a masterpiece in the making. Every thread, whether it’s ease or hardship, has its purpose. And though we may not always understand how it all weaves together, Allah assures us that both blessings and trials hold meaning and benefit.
Ibn al-Qayyim explains this beautifully:
“Evil, as an independent phenomenon whereby no dimension of good is involved, has no existence in this world. There is nothing in our existence that can be called pure evil, because every evil in this world is good from one angle or another. For instance, sickness harms the body from one angle, while from other angles it tests patience, evokes resilience, and may even strengthen immunity. Most disliked things are usually this way; never void of some benefit or another for the human being.” 9
Moments of sadness and distress can cloud our view, making life seem bleak. But embracing Allah’s wisdom requires humility—acknowledging that His plan is beyond our comprehension. When our emotions pull us in one direction and the Word of Allah points in another, it takes courage and faith to say, “I may not understand Allah’s wisdom fully, but I trust that it exists, even if I cannot see it right now.”
Through this humility and trust, we find peace in knowing that Allah, in His infinite wisdom, is always guiding us toward what is best.
Action Plan:
Keep in mind that Allah (SWT) provides us with everything we need, even if it’s not always what we want. Reflect on a time when you were certain you needed something, only to feel disappointed when it didn’t happen. Yet, later, you realized it wasn’t the right fit for you after all.
Take a moment to write about that experience. What thoughts crossed your mind then? How did your emotions shift as time gave you clarity? Pay attention to what comes up—it might reveal the wisdom in how Allah’s plan unfolded for you.
Misconception# 4
Does Allah Care About My Pain?
When bad things happen, it doesn’t mean Allah approves of them. For instance, does Allah like it when people turn away from worshiping Him? Absolutely not. Allah says in the Quran:
“And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” 10
Sometimes, when we’re overwhelmed by pain, it’s easy to fall into the trap of assuming that Allah doesn’t care or is against us. This is a cognitive distortion called mind-reading—we project our emotions onto Allah and assume ill intentions. But let’s reflect on the words of the Prophet ﷺ:
Allah says: ‘I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me to himself, I remember him to Myself. If he mentions Me in a gathering, I mention him in a gathering better than that. If he draws near to Me a hand span, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.”11
Could a Lord who promises to run toward you when you take even the smallest step toward Him truly wish you harm? Allah’s closeness is not determined by our circumstances but by our perception of Him. When we expect goodness from Allah, we begin to see His wisdom and mercy in every situation. But when we allow our emotions or past traumas to cloud our perception, we may view Allah in ways that don’t reflect His reality.
This misunderstanding can become even more pronounced when we’ve been hurt by others. When someone harms us, it doesn’t mean Allah doesn’t care. Allah has given each of us free will, allowing us to make choices—good or evil—and holding us accountable for those choices.
Ibn al-Qayyim beautifully explains this balance:
“When a servant commits a prohibited act, what he did is undoubtedly evil and sinful. Yet, Allah enabled him to act with free will, and this enablement is rooted in justice, mercy, and wisdom. Allah granting freedom to act is good, even though the servant’s action may manifest as evil. This is part of Allah’s profound wisdom, for which He is worthy of praise.”12
Free will is a gift, but it also means some people will misuse it, causing harm. Allah doesn’t cause this harm directly, nor does He approve of it, but He allows free will to exist for a greater purpose. The presence of evil doesn’t negate Allah’s love or care for us—it reflects the wisdom in granting us the freedom to choose.
If you ever doubt Allah’s mercy, consider this profound hadith:
‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) narrated: “Some prisoners were brought to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, and among them was a woman frantically searching for her child. When she found her baby, she embraced him and began to nurse him. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, ‘Do you think this woman would throw her child into the fire?’ We replied, ‘No, by Allah, not if she can help it.’ The Prophet ﷺ then said, ‘Allah is more merciful to His servants than this woman is to her child.”13
Allah’s mercy far exceeds anything we can imagine. Even when we’re hurting, it’s not a sign of His absence or lack of care. Rather, it’s an opportunity for growth, a test of faith, and a chance to draw closer to Him, knowing that His love and wisdom guide every aspect of our lives.
Action Plan:
Our emotions can be incredibly strong, but our thoughts and actions hold just as much power. When you find yourself feeling unloved or doubting Allah’s care for you, take a moment to reflect on the countless ways He has shown you His love and mercy throughout your life.
To address these emotions by shifting your thoughts, try creating a list of all the ways Allah has protected you, showered you with mercy, and provided for your needs. Reflecting on these blessings can help realign your perspective and remind you of His presence in your life.
To work through your emotions by taking action, think of ways you can strengthen your relationship with Allah. Write down a list of steps you can take, and choose one to focus on today. Whether it’s offering extra prayers, making dua, or simply spending a quiet moment in gratitude, these small actions can bring you closer to Him and help you feel His care even in the midst of your struggles.
Overcoming the Mental Battle Against “Jumping to Conclusions” and Misconceptions
When we face hardship, it's easy to fall into the trap of jumping to negative conclusions about Allah (SWT). However, we can challenge these thoughts and reshape our perspective by taking the following steps:
1. Pay Attention to Your Self-Talk
Our thoughts feel real, but not everything we think is true. Ask yourself: What’s running through my mind right now? When anger or frustration rises, pause and examine the thoughts fueling those emotions. Are they based on facts or assumptions? Recognizing these patterns is the first step to breaking free from them.
2. Focus on the Facts
Anchor yourself in reality by looking for tangible evidence. What can you observe or verify? Often, when we objectively assess the situation, we find that our negative perceptions don’t match reality. This shift from assumption to fact can help ground us and bring clarity.
3. Consider Alternative Possibilities
Being factual also means exploring all the facts—not just the ones that align with our current mindset. Our minds often cling to evidence that reinforces our negative beliefs while ignoring anything positive. Instead, reflect on times in the past when you anticipated the worst, yet things turned out well. Let those moments remind you that good outcomes are not only possible—they’re likely. The more you identify instances when your mind was wrong, the easier it becomes to believe that this time might be different, too.
4. Accept Uncertainty and Focus on the Present Moment
We’ll never know exactly what others are thinking or what the future holds, and dwelling on the unknown only creates unnecessary anxiety. To avoid this endless cycle, focus on what is certain—the present moment. Ibn al-Qayyim (RA) reminds us of the importance of living fully in the here and now:
“Your attention must be directed to your life in the present—the time between two times. If you waste it, then you have wasted the opportunity to be of the fortunate and saved ones. If you look after it… then you will be successful and achieve rest, delight, and ever-lasting bliss.” 14
Grounding yourself in the present can ease your worries about the future and shift your focus away from assumptions about others. It’s in this moment, not in what you can’t control, that true peace can be found.
By consciously practicing these steps, you can transform the way you approach hardships and strengthen your connection with Allah (SWT).
Practical Steps to Follow
Embracing Reality
Direct your energy toward growth and progress instead of resisting what cannot be changed. Embracing reality opens the door to meaningful action. Instead of dwelling on “Why is this happening?” shift your perspective to ask, “This is happening—so now what?”
Once you’ve acknowledged the reality of your struggle, consider the first small step you can take to move forward. Reflect on the strengths, skills, and blessings you already possess. Even if it feels overwhelming, trust that you’ve been equipped with everything you need to navigate this challenge—because you were meant to face it.
What inner resources can you draw upon to take that next step? Your resilience, your faith, your unique abilities—they’re all part of the tools Allah has provided you to endure and overcome.
Nurturing Self-Compassion
Pay attention to the self-critical thoughts running through your mind and take a moment to write them down.
The remedy for self-criticism is self-compassion. Imagine how you would comfort a friend facing the same situation. What gentle, supportive, and kind words would you offer them? Write those words down, and then read them aloud to yourself.
As you do this, reflect on how it feels to extend that same compassion to yourself during this challenging time. Does it bring a sense of comfort or ease? Allow yourself to feel the warmth and understanding you so readily offer to others.
Needs vs. Wants: Finding the Balance
Keep in mind that Allah (SWT) provides us with everything we need, even if it’s not always what we want. Think back to a time when you were convinced you needed something, only to feel disappointed when it didn’t work out. Later, perhaps you gained clarity and realized it wasn’t truly meant for you.
Take a moment to write about that experience. What thoughts crossed your mind then? How did your emotions shift as time brought a deeper understanding? Reflect on how this perspective might change the way you view current challenges.
Reflect on Allah’s Infinite Love and Compassion
Our emotions can feel overwhelming, but our thoughts and actions carry just as much power to shape our perspective. If you find yourself feeling unloved or doubting Allah’s care, pause and reflect on the countless ways He has shown you His love and mercy throughout your life.
To address your emotions by shifting your thoughts, try making a list of the ways Allah has protected you, guided you, and provided for your needs. Reflecting on these blessings can help ground you in gratitude and remind you of His presence in your life.
To work through your emotions by taking action, think about ways you can strengthen your connection with Allah. Write down a few steps you can take, such as offering extra prayers, making dua, or reading Quran. Choose one and focus on it today. These small actions can nurture your relationship with Allah and remind you that His love and care are always with you.
Ahmed's Case from Episode#1: A Follow-Up
After discovering that his friends had spent the weekend at their favourite spot without inviting him, Ahmed felt his anger rising once again. However, after cooling down, he started to reflect on how his own actions might be impacting his relationships. Thinking back over the past few months, he realized that he hadn’t been asking his friends how they were doing. Instead, most of his conversations revolved around his own struggles and frustrations. Curious, Ahmed began scrolling through his friends’ Instagram accounts and noticed that at least two of them had been going through difficult times as well—something he hadn’t acknowledged before.
This moment of self-awareness marked the beginning of a transformative journey for Ahmed. He started identifying the behaviours and thought patterns that kept him stuck in a cycle of hurt, anger, and hopelessness—patterns that had also affected his relationship with Allah and others. As Ahmed reflected, he recognized his tendencies for fortune-telling and mind-reading:
Instead of thinking, “What’s the point of studying? It’s impossible to raise my grades now,” he began reframing his thoughts to, “I can’t change the past, but I can focus on putting in my best effort moving forward.”
Instead of assuming, “My friends must hate me, which is why they don’t hang out with me anymore,” he started to think, “I’ve been caught up in my own struggles lately and haven’t been as considerate toward my friends—that’s something I can work on.”
As Ahmed began addressing these negative thought patterns, his actions shifted as well. He identified triggers that fueled his angry outbursts and practiced healthier ways to cope. Regular exercise became a part of his routine, helping him release built-up adrenaline and find a sense of calm. Journaling provided an outlet for processing his struggles and emotions. Slowly, Ahmed felt a sense of pride as he noticed improvements in how he communicated with others. He started checking in with his friends, asking how they were doing, and focusing on being more present in his relationships.
Ahmed also applied this newfound awareness to his thoughts about Allah. He realized he had been assuming that Allah didn’t care for him because of the challenges he was facing—another example of mind-reading. Recognizing this pattern, Ahmed began to remind himself, “Allah tests those He loves, and I need to do my part to improve my life as well.” Reflecting on the many ways Allah had shown him love and care in the past, he started to combat those negative thoughts with gratitude.
As Ahmed’s thoughts about Allah improved, so did his connection with Him. Acts of worship, which had once felt burdensome, became moments of peace and comfort. By believing he was deserving of good, Ahmed found the motivation to actively pursue it, both in his spiritual life and in his relationships. Step by step, he rebuilt not only his outlook but also his bond with Allah and the people around him.
Thanks for peepin' this!
From the time we were children, we’ve been taught the Quran, Hadiths, and the teachings of Islam. We’ve read them, memorized them, and carried them in our hearts. But something profound happens when we begin to truly observe our lives—our struggles, our joys, and even the quiet, ordinary moments—and reflect on them in light of these teachings. It’s in these reflections that we find the Quran coming alive in ways we never imagined. The connection between our daily lives and the words of Allah is, perhaps, the most satisfying and wholesome experience a Muslim can have.
Through this journey, I’ve started sharing my reflections in my own way. I write about moments when I’ve felt the Quran speak to me through my experiences or when a hadith suddenly illuminated a situation I was struggling to understand.
If this resonates with you and you’d like me to continue wondering, observing, and sharing, consider subscribing and sharing my content. Your encouragement means the world—it inspires me to delve deeper and reflect further.
And if there’s something specific you’d like me to reflect on, let me know. I’d love to hear your suggestions and explore those thoughts together.
Sources of Wisdom
Quran: Surah Al-Ankabut, 29:2-3
Quran: Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:286
Quran: Surah Al-Fajr, 89:15-16
Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, no. 6424.
Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, nos. 5641, 5642
Jamiʿ al-Tirmidhī, no. 3598
Rida M. Ibn Atheer, Abu Bakr al-Seddeq: The First Caliph (Beirut: Dar al-Kotob al-Ilmiyah, 2008), 18
Qur’an Surah Al-An’am, 6:59
Ibn al-Qayyim, Shifāʾ al-ʿalīl fī masāʾil al-qaḍāʾ wa-al-qadar wa-al-ḥikmah wa-al-ta‘līl (Cairo: Dār at-Turāth, 1978), 380–413
Qur’an 51:56
Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, no. 7405
Ibn al-Qayyim, Shifāʾ al-‘alīl, 361
Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, no. 5653; Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, no. 6921
Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawzīyah, al-Fawāʾid (n.p.: Dār al-Salām, 2019), 151–2